Confidence Coaching for Women: Reclaiming the Power That Was Always Yours
As a confidence coach and perimenopausal woman I am still…
Like many women facing menopause I felt isolated and alone and lacking a comprehensive understanding of the symptoms. In addition and also like a growing number of women, I was facing menopause at the same time as working professionally and juggling caring for children and parents.
Having got through (what I considered at the time) to be far worse situations in my life, I thought “it’s fine, it’s just a phase I’ll be ok”. But then people started to notice the changes in my energy and normal joie de vivre and not least of all my performance in the workplace.
If this sounds familiar and you’re feeling stuck, then I want to assure you there are many different ways that can help you move forward. I’m going to share some of the things that worked for me, bearing in mind we’re all individuals and different things work for everyone.
I also want to encourage and support anyone reading this to consider options that might not initially appeal to you. Because the first thing that worked for me with GREAT effect was something I’d initially rejected for around 3 months before trying it and I want to share with you how much I wish I’d started it earlier. It’s the first one on my list.
Because I’d been feeling so low and literally lifeless (which is the opposite of my normal/pre-perimenopausal state) I couldn’t even bring myself to pick up a journal, let alone think about writing in it. Everything felt so overwhelming at that point.
You might be surprised to learn it was my male partner who convinced me of the benefits and handed me a simple starter journal. It had 3 statements with space to write underneath each day. The first one was ‘Three things you’re grateful for today’.
When I eventually tried it out, I read that line and literally broke down in tears and continued crying while I was writing. I truly believe that was another prompt that helped me realise I wasn’t alone and was my first small step out of despair.
Once I started opening up to my friends about how I was feeling, it turned out we were all experiencing or had experienced menopause symptoms so I started to feel less alone.
I realised it was something we could share and even laugh about at times. I also include my partner and children in this support community. The more I learnt, the more I shared with them and being teenagers I wanted to make sure my kids also had awareness about menopause.
There are also people who impacted me without them even knowing it, like the dog walking community in my local park, just by being a constant uplifting presence in my daily routine. Essentially, having people around me who understood and didn’t judge or minimise how I was feeling, made a big difference to my state of mind.
Although I’d always been someone who regularly exercises, when I was at my lowest point I couldn’t find the motivation and stopped my usual routine. Walking my dogs every morning was non negotiable (on their part!) and was also what held the space for me to keep moving.
Once I started to feel better in myself (from the gratitude journaling and community) I was able to gradually get back to a bit of yoga. But the real game changer for me was strength training and when I say this, I mean using bands and light weights at first, just enough to make me feel like my body was working. I read and listened to so much about the importance of strength training in peri/menopause and beyond that I finally realised it was at least worth a try.
What I didn’t expect was the energy boost I got from it! Absolute game changer! It’s something I’ve embedded in my routine now and even though there are (many) times when I don’t feel like it, remembering the buzz I get afterwards is enough to motivate me.
I now realise I’m extremely lucky that my local surgery has a fantastic female GP who is super switched on about menopause and will take time to listen and advise.
Having her support has meant everything to help me make decisions about my emotional and physical health and what options were available and right for me. It seems not much stays the same during peri/menopause and so knowing that she is there to help me as my needs change means so much.
Although this was more forced on me than voluntary (due to the impact of my perimenopause at work), as is often the case, it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened.
My performance was suffering terribly at the start of the perimenopause, before I got emotional and medical support (HRT) and I didn’t feel able to either discuss this openly with my manager or take the sick leave that was offered.
Being a child of the 70’s I felt it wasn’t something I was comfortable with and at that time nobody was talking positively about the impact of menopause in the workplace.
Eventually I was offered a way out but it damaged my self esteem and had a huge impact on my identity as a successful professional woman. This took a long time to rebuild. This was when I realised that what underpins all the menopause symptoms is confidence and that’s what I’d lost (in droves).
Because of the new mode my brain was operating in I became overwhelmed and anxious much more than ever before and far more easily.
By paying attention daily, eventually I was able to identify some of the things that were causing the overwhelm and realised that after years of coaching others on boundaries, it was time for me to walk the talk! I realised my brain was finding it increasingly hard to cope with juggling all my professional commitments along with personal ones and I needed to put them in protected boxes so I was only focusing on one at a time. In reality what this meant was (quick win) leaving my phone in another room when I was working so as not to get distracted and overwhelmed with messages that weren’t relevant at that time, nor needed an immediate response.
The next was to communicate to my business partner about what was happening to me (super important) and obviously being the amazing friend and coach that she is, she completely understood when I explained my need to ring fence different times for different areas of my life.
We set up a new system for our comms that fully respects each other’s time when we need to be focussed on other projects.
As a result of putting these things in place, they became steps to rebuilding my identity and self esteem but there was also a central piece critical to the success of all this.
Confidence. Oh yes.
Again, walking the talk and remembering everything that myself and my brilliant co-founder and coach Amy know about this, was and still is fundamental to how I carry myself through peri/menopause.
Self practice helped me heal my wounded confidence, always remembering confidence is a thought process and can be changed. And because hormones and the brain influence everything from brain development and function to behaviour and mood, this means self image and confidence are all based upon thought processes and self-talk inside our minds.
Learning how to influence this was transformational and the key towards my healing was understanding that daily practice worked.
If you want to know more about menopause and the brain I highly recommend this book, ‘The Menopause Brain’ by Dr Lisa Mosconi. It helps to understand how hormones and the brain are interconnected, what happens to the brain during menopause that affects EVERYTHING and what to do about it.
If you’d like to know more about using confidence to manage your peri/menopause symptoms and help you in every part of your life then please get in touch, we’d love to hear from you.
By Jo Ellicott, Co-Founder EmpowerHer
